A7 A Pound of Flesh
Yulia Davudi of ⁺Hassar ⁺Baba-čanga in Sydney, Australia
Long ago there was a man who went to a pilgrim and took money from him. He said ‘Pilgrim, I have a need, a need, I need, one thousand dinars of money. When I have finished (with them), I shall give them back to you and give you as much interest has you want per year.’ He said ‘No, I do not want interest. I only want one gram, a gram, (something) very small, I want to cut one gram from your buttocks. The man, the lad, thought that the pilgrim was joking. He said ‘OK.’ He takes money, one thousand dinars, and goes and spends them. He makes a big profit with them, because the loan of the pilgrim turned out to be profitable for him. He comes and puts money on the table and says ‘Mr. pilgrim, here is your money. Many thanks. I made a good profit with it. Take whatever interest you want. He says ‘No. I want what I have said.’ He said ‘What?’ He said ‘I shall cut one gram from your buttocks.’ He says ‘How can this be?!’ He says ‘I have said, we have made a bond. You have signed that you are happy for me to cut a gram from your buttocks.’ ‘How can it be?!’ In the end the pilgrim comes and brings a knife. He says ‘Take off your trousers.’ He sees that no, it is not a joke, and flees. He flees and flees. He sees a donkey in the mud, buried in the mud. The owner of the donkey comes and says ‘I shall arrest you. Get my donkey out. If not, the one who is coming (after you) will reach you. Help me, get my donkey out. He comes to take the donkey out, the tail of the donkey stays in his hand. He runs and runs, with the owner of the donkey behind him. With the owner of the donkey behind, he runs and runs. He goes through a house and goes up three floors from there, he himself, and they are coming after him to cut meat from his buttocks, the pilgrim and the owner of the donkey. He sees that no (he cannot stay there), they have come. He throws himself, from three floors up he throws himself. When he threw himself, there was there a man, he had been laid in the sun, to sleep in the sun. He was ill. They had put him there in the courtyard. He threw himself onto the stomach of the other and he (the latter) died. Now also the master of this man was (chasing) after him! He runs after him, after him, after him, he ran in the street. A colonel, a guard, with his wife—she was pregnant and was going to the hospital. He knocked into her and the child came out. He seized him. The guard seized him. Now they take him to a jurist. They take him to a jurist. They have put him in front of them so that he does not run away. Now there is the pilgrim, there is the owner of the donkey, there is the master of the dead man, and there is this great colonel. The four of them have seized him and take him. They take him and he opens the door first to go into the presence of the jurist. When he opens the door, he sees that the jurist is with a woman. He says ‘Wait, wait, the jurist is saying a prayer.’ He closes the door. The jurist finishes. The woman goes from the other door. The jurist wipes his mouth and comes out. He said ‘Who said that the jurist is saying a prayer?’ He said ‘Sir, it was me.’ The lad said ‘Sir, it was me.’ He said ‘OK, come in.’ They come in and sit down. He (the jurist) says ‘So, what is the story?’ First of all the pilgrim says, he says ‘Have I done wrong to have given this man one thousand dinars of money? I said to him “I do not want interest, I do not want interest, I only (want) to cut a gram from your buttocks.” He does not allow this.’ He (the jurist) said ‘Well, this is a very bad situation.’ He says to the servants—there are many servants in the jurist’s house—‘Bring a knife and scales.’ He says to the lad ‘Take off your trousers.’ He quickly takes his trousers off. He (the jurist) gives the knife to the pilgrim and says ‘This is the knife. That is the buttocks of the lad. Cut! If it is more than a gram, I shall cut it from your buttocks. (If) it is less, I shall cut it from your buttocks. Only a gram. He says ‘How can I do this? How can I cut it? I am not a pair of scales!’ He said ‘But you son of a dog, what do you want from this man? Do you want to take (all) his buttocks at once for one gram? Put down five hundred dinars here.’ The pilgrim goes. The owner of the donkey comes. He says ‘What (happened to) you?’ He says ‘Sir, with respect, my donkey was in the mud and I said to this man “Help me get my donkey out.” He came and pulled off the tail of my donkey and my donkey remained without a tail.’ He (the jurist) says ‘This is very difficult.’ The jurist said ‘He has done a very bad thing. Your donkey has remained without a tail.’ He said to the servants ‘Bring out donkeys into the courtyard.’ The jurist has many servants. They brought donkeys out into the courtyard and he says to the owner of the donkey ‘Pull off a tail.’ He began to pull at a tail and the donkey went ‘hee haw’ and they hit him in the stomach, and he fell onto the ground. He said ‘I cannot (do it).’ He (the jurist) said ‘But what do you want? Perhaps the tail of your donkey was already cut. Put down five hundred dinars.’ (The jurist) comes and says to the owner of the dead man, he says to him ‘What (happened to) you?’ He says ‘Sir, with respect, my brother was ill and the doctors gave instruction that I should put him under a wall to take some sun. This accursed man threw himself from the third floor onto the stomach of my brother, and my brother died.’ He says ‘Well, this is a killing for a killing.’ Tie the hands of this son of a dog. Put him under a wall. Go up. My house is not three floors high, it is two floors high. Throw yourself and kill him.’ He goes up and has a look down. ‘No, I cannot.’ He says ‘But what would you have done to this man, to this unfortunate man, because he hurled himself down from the third floor? Before you came to talk (to him), perhaps your brother had already died there before. Five hundred dinars.’ He comes to the colonel. He says ‘Well, what (happened to) you?’ He says ‘With respect, I was married for these seven years, but I did not have children. I went so much to churches, I went so much to doctors, I had recourse so much to medicines, this one, that one, I implored God, and my wife became pregnant. Now it was seven minutes for me to take her to the hospital for my son to be born. This accursed man hit my wife’s stomach and my wife’s baby was born in the street.’ He says ‘You must give your wife to him. Give your wife to him for him to put the baby in her stomach and in nine months and nine minutes he will bring her and give her to you.’ He says ‘I shall never do this, give my wife to him. How can I give my wife to him?’ He says ‘Well, put down there five hundred tomans, five hundred. He also puts down five hundred. They all go.
He says ‘Just tell me, tell me, I am fascinated by you. Where did you learn this skill, this skill of language. I want to know this skill—you said the jurist is saying a prayer, where did you learn this skill?’ He said ‘From my parents. I have learnt this skill from my father and mother.’ He said ‘Here, these thousand dinars are for you, these two thousand dinars are for me. Go from here quickly before I change my mind.’