A1 The Bald Man and the King
Yulia Davudi of ⁺Hassar ⁺Baba-čanga in Sydney, Australia
I shall tell you this story. It is (as follows): There was a bald man in a town. There were many bald men. There were nearly ten bald men. They had a wooden horse beneath them. They used to strike it (while) they ran from this side to that side, from this side to that side, and (while) they used to shout ‘nu bubəšk̭a! nu bubəšk̭a!’ as if they were riding a (real) horse. Now, they used to go and take protection money from people. They used to gather protection money from shops. They used to live by this. Now, the elder of the bald men, the elder of the bald men, that is he was the head of their gang, he was higher (in rank) than the others. He went to a merchant. The merchant used to like this bald man very much. He liked him very much. You know what a merchant is, right? He used to like this bald man very much. He went to him to take money. In the early morning they used to get up, before people went to work, to take their money from them, the people who used to give them protection money. They used to take money, go off and live by it. On that day the bald man went to the merchant. He said to him, the merchant said to the bald man, ‘I am going to Mecca.’ Do you know what Mecca is? The Muslims go to Mecca, Medina, Mecca, pilgrimage. He said ‘I am going to Mecca for two months, and the money of two months I shall give to you, and more too, but keep your eye on my belongings, my livelihood. When I come back and return, I shall give you a great deal.’ He said ‘Very well’ and left him with (a greeting of) peace. They kissed each other. The bald man went (on his way) and the merchant went home. The merchant had a very beautiful wife. He thought about where he could he put this wife of his so his thoughts could be at peace. He thought a lot. He said ‘I have a friend. He is a pilgrim. He too has gone to Mecca and Medina, he has gone on the pilgrimage. He is a very pious man. Everybody knows him. I will take her and place her with him.’ He takes his wife and he goes to the pilgrim. He says ‘Pilgrim, my friend. I did not find any place to leave my wife in trust. I have brought her to you. These are a load of gold coins for you, which, if you spend them on my wife, if they are insufficient, I shall come and pay them (back).’ The pilgrim says ‘Oh, very good! Your wife is like a sister of mine. I shall be very careful with her, vigilant.’ He places his wife there. The merchant goes to Mecca for two months and the bald man goes to his house. They place the wife with the pilgrim.
One, two, three weeks pass. The woman goes to the bathroom. The pilgrim also goes to the bathroom. He sees the woman, beautiful in her body, and he desires her. He wants to go near her. The woman does not allow it. The pilgrim became very upset and wants to force her. The woman screams. She screams. Now, the pilgrim had a servant. That servant was very good. He was very faithful to the pilgrim. He goes and runs inside. He sees that the pilgrim is naked and the woman is naked. The pilgrim knows what the situation is and says to the servant ‘You can see that this woman is in a mad passion, in a mad passion, that is, she is hot (with passion), that is, she is wicked. Such women should be killed. Seize her and tie her hands. Take her outside the city into the forest and kill her.’ The servant is forced (to do so). He is forced to take the woman away. He ties her hands and takes her to kill her. But the woman begs very much ‘Please. I plead with you don’t kill me,’ crying very much, falling kissing his feet (saying) ‘Don’t kill me. I shall give you everything you want—these clothes of mine, everything you want, my gold, I have a lot of gold, gold earrings, a golden necklace, a gold ring, take everything you want. Just don’t kill me! I don’t want to die.’ The servant feels sorry for her. He does not kill her. He strips her clothes off, since the pilgrim had said to his servant ‘Bring her bloody clothes to me.’ The woman says ‘I shall give you a lot of money, this ornament of mine, my ornament.’—meaning ‘my gold.’ ‘Take them away and sell them. Take a sheep, kill it, put its blood on my clothes and take it to your master.’ The servant does this. He leaves the woman naked there in the forest, outside of the town. He leaves her there. The servant goes. He takes a bird and kills it. He puts the blood on her clothes and brings them to the pilgrim. He says ‘I have killed her.’ The pilgrim is content.
The woman becomes cold there. She enters under shrubs and bark in order not to get cold. Very slowly she comes near to the town. Near the city there was a cemetery. You know what cemeteries are? They bury people in them. She goes there and huddles up. The bald man is awake in the early morning. ‘nu bubušk̭a,’ he is galloping with his piece of wood, the horse. He sees that it is still early. It is five o’clock. Where will he go now? He says ‘I shall go …’ —pardon, to pass water,’—that is urinate. He went there to urinate. He saw a head going up and down, going up and down. He went a little nearer and saw that it was a person. Then, he went a little further forward. She said to him ‘Please, do not come near, I am naked.’ He goes forward and as soon as looks, he recognizes her. He knows that she is the wife of the merchant. He says ‘Oh dear! What has happened to her?’ He says ‘My sister, wait for me. I am coming back.’ He sits on his horse of wood and gallops straight home. He says to his mother ‘Wherever you have beautiful clothes give them to me quickly!’ ‘May I ask what are they for?’ He says ‘Don’t speak, just give them. Give (me) your most beautiful dress.’ She says ‘What order is this? Is it the order of the king? What is it? You have taken many clothes, now, do you want to take these too from me?’ He says ‘Don’t speak, just give them (to me).’ He takes the clothes of his mother. He takes them (with him) and throws them to her. He says ‘My sister, take them and put them on, (then) come after me.’ The woman takes the clothes and puts them on. She comes and he says ‘Don’t be upset. Your brother has not died. I am alive for you. Sit on my horse and I shall take you away.’ She puts her leg this side and that side of the wood, they strike (the horse) and he goes home, he takes her home. He says to his mother ‘Mother, get up quickly, make breakfast quickly for this lady, because my sister has not eaten anything. Let her eat. If somebody asks you who this is, say “She is my sister.” If you say that she is not, I shall cut out your tongue.’ Now, the bald man—his mother knew that if he said something, he would do it. She got up and prepared breakfast for her, she put on her clothes and the bald man went out. He delivered her into the care of his mother and he went out to work. He went to this shop, to that shop, to that shop. Once some time had passed, he heard that the merchant had come back. The merchant comes back and arrives at the town. He sends gifts to the pilgrim. He sends him a very expensive present. He sends it to the pilgrim so that he will return his wife. The pilgrim takes them … the present, but there is no word about the woman. The merchant says ‘Perhaps I myself should go and take something by my own hand and bring my wife back. Perhaps the custom of these people is like this.’ He takes a load of beautiful things, which he has brought from Mecca and takes them to the pilgrim. They embrace each other around the neck and kiss one another. The sit down, drink tea and he gives the present to the pilgrim. Then he says—at that time young people did not talk much with the older people. For example, when an old person entered, you would have to get up on your feet, for your father-in-law, for your mother-in-law, for your grandfather. So he (the merchant) did not manage to talk to the pilgrim. He said ‘Pilgrim, I beg your pardon, I am very ashamed to say that I have come to take what I left in trust.’ His trust was his wife. He said, the pilgrim began crying like this and so forth, (saying) ‘What can I tell you? Your wife—I cannot say (it), but I must tell you that what you left in trust died.’ The merchant beat his head, weeping. He kills himself (in anguish). ‘What do you mean she died!? He said ‘She died. Without our permission, she went to the forest and a wolf ate her.’ He weeps and weeps ‘But do you not have a sign? Can you give me a sign as to how she died?’ He said ‘No, I have nothing of hers. She just died and I buried her. A wolf ate her.’ The merchant has no choice. He goes to the king, the king. He tells the king the story. He tells his story to the king (saying) that ‘I placed my wife with the pilgrim. Now I have come back to take her and he says “She has died.” How could this be?’ The king sends for the pilgrim. He summons him and asks him about the wife of the merchant. He says ‘With respect, this is true. He placed his wife with me in trust and I looked after her like my sister, but, without my permission she went to the wood and a wolf ate her. How can I give her back?! After she has died, she has died.’ The king says ‘Do you have witnesses?’ He says ‘Yes, with respect.’ ‘Who are they?’ He said ‘There is my servant, my servant, and the judge, who works as judge for the whole town and sorts things out, and there is the mullah, and there is a butcher, a butcher, he is the head of the quarter, the street. All know that she is dead’ The king says ‘So, what do you want from him? After she has died, she has died. Look they are all bearing testimony.’ The king called all of them there. He said ‘Yes, she is dead.’ They say to the lad, to the merchant ‘So, (if) your wife is dead, she is dead. What do you want from him?’
Here, the bald man is hearing all these things. The girl is in his house. Well, he sees what the pilgrim is doing. He sees how the country is being run. He sees how the king holds a court. He sees all these things. He hears all of them. He goes (on his way), very sad on account of the fact that there is nothing in the land that you can rely on. He goes and says to the woman, and says, he says ‘I am very sorry, my sister’. He is going and saying to the wife. He is says ‘I very much regret my sister, your husband has come back but they have said that you have died and the king has accepted it. The pilgrim and everybody has accepted that you have died’. The woman weeps and says ‘Oh please, take me to my husband.’ He says ‘My sister, how can I take you to your husband? Everybody knows that you are dead. If they now know that you are living with me, they will kill you, me and your husband so that their word does not turn out to be a lie. But wait, let me see what I can do.’ He waits and thinks a lot. Night and day he does not sleep. In the end he calls the other bald men. He calls all the other bald men. He tells them the story of, the story of the pilgrim and the merchant and his wife. They all say ‘We shall help you.’ The bald men say ‘We shall help you. What on earth shall we do?’ He says ‘Get up let’s play a game.’ The bald man becomes a king. The bald man, the bald man who has brought the girl becomes a king, in place of the (real) king. He makes one of the bald men a vizier. He makes one a merchant. He makes one a judge. He makes one a mullah. He makes one a butcher. He makes one a girl. He makes one a merchant whose wife is lost. He fixes all their names. He makes the name of his vizier Allah-Vardi-Khan, because the vizier of the original king is Allah-Vardi-Khan. The king is (called) king. Now they play the game, according to what they have to do. They now all know what this game is, since he fixes all their names. He says to the bald men ‘Be aware, take note that the king every once in a while, every so often, once every two or three months, goes out and tours around, to visit and look at his land, to tour with his vizier.’ Eventually the bald men come—they look around like spies—they come to the head bald man and say ‘This week the king, on such-and-such a day, at such-and-such a time, at such-and-such an hour, is going out on this journey.’ He says ‘Very good. Have you all learnt your lesson?’ They say ‘Yes.’ They all know what to do, all of them. When the king sets off, they also set off. There was a house there, but it was a ruin, in which people could not live. You see (such ruins) outside, in the desert, in the wilderness there are houses that have collapsed. The bald men all go there and sit down. They wait for the king to come. He (the head of the gang) has there two bald men who act as spies (to see) at what time the king puts his foot on the roof. The real king with his vizier see from afar that in that ruined house there are lanterns burning. The king says ‘Who is living in that house over there, the one that is collapsed? There is nothing in it. Let’s go and see what it is.’ They go and reach it. These (bald men) here have all prepared themselves. These ones here all have prepared themselves. There is a window above. The king comes and places his foot there in order to look, and they begin. The person who is really a bald man is the king. He gives his vizier the name Allah-Vardi-Khan. The name of the vizier who is with the king is also Allah-Vardi-Khan. The bald man all of a sudden says ‘Allah-Vardi-Khan, Allah-Vardi-Khan! He said ‘Yes, I am at your service.’ The (real) vizier above wanted to speak but the king held his mouth. He said ‘Don’t make a sound! Damn it! Do you want them to kill us here? Look, what is happening? But is there another king in this country of mine whom I do not know? What is going on, what is happening?’ They look from there, but they all know that the king is above. The bald man who is the king—you know, you understand what the story is, the elder bald man has now become the king—shouts to one of his bald men who is the vizier, he shouts ‘Allah-Vardi-Khan! Allah-Vardi-Khan!’ The bald man comes to him, to meet him, and says ‘Yes, at your service,what do you want?’ He said ‘Do you remember there was a story, there was a merchant? He had placed his wife with a pilgrim. There was something like this. They came to me. They said that his wife died, but I the king, the king of this country, what an ass I was! What an ass I was! I did not ask with what (type of) death she died, how she died. I want to open this case afresh. I want to know’. He says ‘Yes, sir, there was such a thing’—but rather he said ‘Yes, my lord, there was.’ The bald man sends (a messenger) saying ‘Go and fetch the merchant’. One of the bald men is the merchant. You have understood, I told you previously. They are all there. They bring a bald man who is named as the merchant. He (the king) says ‘My son, forgive me, I acted weakly. You had a complaint against the pilgrim that your wife was missing, that she had died. Forgive me, pardon me. I now want to resolve the matter. What was the story?’ The merchant tells this again to the king. He says ‘Go and sit over there.’ You know how he told it, that his wife had died. The bald man puts the merchant over there. He says ‘Send for the mullah.’ The pilgrim, the mullah, the butcher, he brings them all there. He says ‘Pilgrim, the merchant placed his wife with you. How did she die?’ He said ‘My lord, she died. A wolf ate her, she died.’ He said ‘Go and sit over there.’ The mullah comes. He (the bald man) says ‘Mullah, do you know that the woman is dead?’ ‘Yes, my lord, of course I know! I saw it. I have buried her myself.’ ‘By what kind of death did she die?’ He said ‘She fell from the roof and died at the bottom.’ He said ‘You also go over there.’ The butcher comes. He also says ‘Yes, my lord, I saw that she died, but I saw that she fell into the pool and drowned.’ The other one, the mullah, says—he (the bald man) says ‘What do you (have to say)?’ He says ‘I saw that the woman had a great fever. She had a great fever and died.’ He puts them all over there and says ‘You sit over there.’ He says ‘There is here another man, who is better (qualified) to give us a report. He is the servant of the pilgrim. Bring the servant here. Bring the servant here’. One of the bald men was the servant. The servant comes and says ‘Yes, my lord, at your service, what do you want?’ He says ‘(If) you say (the truth), you say (the truth). (If) you do not say the truth, I shall flay your skin and fill it with straw. I shall fill it with straw. You have to tell the truth. Do you know the story of the wife of the merchant with the pilgrim?’ He says ‘Yes, my lord, I know it.’ He said ‘What was it?’ He said ‘My lord, the pilgrim said to me that I should take her and kill her.’ The king hears all of them. They are all actors. He says ‘The pilgrim said to me—he wanted to rape her in the bathroom. I ran and went there and the pilgrim said to me that this woman is a bad woman. “She will ruin my (good) name, my (good) name among the people will be lost and she will ridicule me. You must take her and kill her.” I tied her hands to take the woman and kill her. I took her into the forest, but the woman wept so much, she pleaded with me so much, she kissed my hands and feet so much, that, in truth, I felt sorry for her. I did not kill her. I left her.’ Here he says ‘Is this woman alive?’ He says ‘I do not know. God have mercy on her that wolves have not eaten her, since I left her there in the dark.’ He says ‘Put him also over there.’ They put him there. He says ‘Do you know what?’ They say ‘No.’ He says ‘There is here a bald man’—in the place of himself he has put another bald man, he has made himself the king—he says ‘The bald man here, this bald man has a report about this woman. Go and look for the bald man.’ Some of the bald men go off. They bring another bald man before him. He says ‘You are the elder of the bald men. I want to ask you something. Do you have any news of the woman who has disappeared or died, the woman of the pilgrim, (taken) from the merchant?’ He says ‘Yes, my lord, I have news. The woman is alive. I have found her. Now she is living in my house.’ They say to the bald man ‘Good, go and bring the woman.’ He has made one of the bald men the wife of the merchant. They go and bring a woman, they have dressed her like a woman. They bring her. Just as she enters there, the other bald man whom he had made the merchant—they have played the game (well)—gets up and says ‘Oh alas! Oh ash be on my head! This is my wife. She is alive, she is not dead. Where was she?’ Weeping, they embraced one another. He says to the woman ‘Is this your husband?’ She says ‘May I be your substitute! My I be your offering! King of kings! This is my husband.’ He says ‘Good. You embrace one another. Put her in a carriage of horses and take her home.’ They go home, but they are there. ‘Seize the others and tie them up! Tie them up! Round them up.’ He says ‘Tie them up! Throw them into prison! Put them there. I do not want such a thing to be in my land. I do not know why I was confused that day and I was not thinking clearly. Has such a mighty matter as this taken place in this land of mine and I do not know about it? Good, now go in peace.’
The king above says to his vizier ‘Get up, let’s go, before they bundle us into prison, kick us into prison, bind our hands and kill us. Get up—may his house be sealed!’ He says to his vizier ‘Just look what is happening in our land!’ They slowly come down and go on their way. The bald man knows that the king has gone. The bald man knows that the king has gone. The bald man knows that the king has gone, but he knows that early in the morning the king will send for him. All the bald men have prepared themselves. The king gets up early in the morning, during the whole night he has not slept. He has not slept due to his being upset. He sends policemen, we say ‘policemen,’ after the bald man. Wherever there are bald men they seize them and bring them in. They bring them there. He says to the bald man ‘The game that you played last night—if you played it, you played it. If you did not play it, I shall issue a decree to kill you, to strike off your head with a sword.’ There was an executioner there. He said ‘He will strike off your head.’ The bald man said to the king ‘King, be well, it is not this easy. I shall set conditions with you. I shall do this on one condition.’ He said ‘What is your condition?’ He says ‘Give me your kingdom for two hours. Give me your kingdom for two hours’. The king gets up, takes off his clothes and gives them to him. All the bald men put them on, the vizier, the deputy, the accountant, they all put them on and they are there. He says ‘They want you to make an announcement, to tell all the land to come. Say that the king wants to hold a large court and everybody must be there’. He makes an announcement, all the people gather and come. The all enter and look (and see) that the king is sitting there, but he is a new king. They say ‘When did this man become king (while) we had no word of it?’ He sends for the real merchant, the judge, the butcher, the mullah, the servant. They bring them all. He sends for the merchant, pilgrim, but the real ones, (he sends) for them to come. Now there is the pilgrim, the merchant, the mullah, the butcher—he gathered there all who had given testimony and brought them there. He brought them there. When they saw (what was happening), the legs of the pilgrim began to tremble and his body (began) to tremble. His heart burst (with fear). The bald man who had now become the king spoke and said ‘You know what is happening in this land? I do not want to adduce blame against the real king, but a certain event has taken place, a certain thing has happened here, whereby a merchant brings his wife and places her with a pilgrim, the pilgrim then assaults her, then gives her to his servant to take away and kill. The servant has mercy on her and does not kill her. Do you accept this?’ Everybody with one voice said ‘No!’ He said, he said to the fellow (the merchant) ‘Did you have a complaint concerning the pilgrim?’ Yes, my lord, as I said to you, king be well I was going to Mecca and I brought my wife and placed her with the pilgrim, because he was very pious, I loved him, he was my friend. I knew that he had gone to Mecca, he had gone on the pilgrimage, he had become like a caliph, like a bishop, like a patriarch, he had no sin or mistake. I placed my wife with him. But when I came to fetch her, he said that she was dead. I came to the king and the king said “Now, if she has died, she has died. What do you want from a dead person?” All his witnesses gave their testimony that she had died.’ The king called the pilgrim. He said ‘I want to ask about the wife of the merchant, how did has it come about? The pilgrim—the real one—began to weep, he began to weep, he said that a wolf ate his wife. He said ‘Put him over there.’ They put him there, just as I said before, and the butcher came, the mullah came, the judge came, they all came. One of them said ‘A wolf has eaten her.’ One of them said ‘She fell into a pool.’ One of them said ‘She got a fever and died.’ One of them (said) ‘She fell from the roof and died.’ (To) all of these he said ‘Sit over there.’ They sat over there. He had said to the woman, he said ‘If I send for you, do not fear, you should come.’ The king says to his own bald men ‘Two or three policemen should come with you so that they do not kill her on the way.’ They go and bring the woman. The lad, the merchant, as soon as he sees his wife, he yells. He beats his head. ‘Oh, my lord, this is my wife, but he had said that she was dead.’ Now, the crowd are all watching, all being moved and weeping. The woman runs to her husband and embraces him ‘Oh joy! This is my husband!’ They embrace one another. He says ‘Put these in a horse-drawn carriage and take them home. They go off. The pilgrim comes, the mullah, the butcher and the judge. They bring them all and he says ‘Seize them all and tie their hands and feet.’ Pardon (I forgot to say) here: They all signed. The pilgrim signed, yes, (he says) ‘I sign (and certify) that a wolf ate her.’ The butcher signs that ‘yes, the woman fell into the pool and died.’ The mullah says ‘I saw the woman fall from the roof.’ They all sign. They take a signature from them, previously. They take their signatures and bind their hands. He says ‘Take them and put them in jail until their death, until they die.’ He gets up onto his feet. He says to the king ‘Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity, here are your clothes, but when you want to do something, do it properly. Here are your clothes, and your kingdom is your responsibility. I do not want it anymore.’ The king gets onto his feet. The bald man is afraid and thinks that now he will strike off his head. He said ‘No, no, you together with your other bald men will be in my court, court, that is the royal household. You will be in place of my vizier. They will be in (place of) the deputy and vizier. I am very pleased that I have found such a thing in the nation. Many thanks.’ He embraces him. He insists on making them (members of) the royal household. Many thanks for listening.